How men and partners can find the p-spot
You’ve probably heard of the female g-spot and the mystery of whether it truly exists, but what about the male counterpart of this extraordinary stimulus?
It turns out that the male g-spot, or p-spot as it’s commonly referred to, is less of a mystery than the female version! Before we dive any deeper into the p-spot, let’s take a look at what the g-spot really is.
What is the g-spot?
You might be surprised to know that the ‘g’ in g-spot is actually named after German gynaecologist Ernst Gräfenberg who first conceptualised the erogenous area in the 1950s. Though it didn’t get its ‘g-spot’ title until the 1980s, it is still a controversial topic within sexual discourse today, as the area can stimulate some women enough to have an orgasm, while it can be uncomfortable or near impossible to find for others.
The g-spot can stimulate some women enough to have an orgasm, while it can be uncomfortable or near impossible to find for others
The g-spot location can be slightly different for each woman, but it’s approximately five to eight centimetres, or two to three inches, above the vaginal opening and is the tissue surrounding the urethra known as the urethral sponge, which begins to swell during arousal. It’s also been suggested that the g-spot may, in fact, be part of the deeper internal structure of the clitoris.
With g-spot stimulation, some women can experience female ejaculation is which a milk-like substance is secreted during orgasm; it is different to ‘squirting’ as this is urine-like substance that leaks due to muscle contractions in the urethra and is caused by clitoral stimulation. The milky substance from g-spot stimulation is actually quite similar to what happens when the p-spot in men is stimulated. (1)
What is the p-spot?
The ‘p’ in p-spot stands for prostate, which is a gland around the size of a walnut just below the bladder that males assigned at birth or cisgender males have. It’s located about six centimeters, or 2.4 inches, inside the rectum, making it a lot easier to find than the evasive female g-spot.
The p-spot is known for creating powerful full-body orgasms, and while the prostate is great to stimulate, it also has a very important job to do. The prostate gland helps reproduction by producing seminal fluid which coats the sperm, helping their longevity once they have left the penis, giving them a fighting chance to inseminate the egg. Think of this prostate fluid like a suit of armour that protects the sperm from being exposed and unprotected.
Finding the p-spot is relatively easy, and you can stimulate it both internally and externally. This is great if your partner or you want to start off slowly or try a less penetrative way to see if you enjoy the feeling.
The ‘p’ in p-spot stands for prostate and is known for creating powerful full-body orgasms
If you want to get your bearings and get into the mood first, you can indirectly stimulate the prostate using the perineum or taint which is the strip of skin that sits between the scrotum and the anus. This less penetrative option is great for beginners or those who prefer external stimulation.
For those who want to dive a little deeper, going through the anus is the more direct way to reach the prostate; it’s only a short distance in and will feel like a smooth walnut.
Tips for how to get started with p-spot stimulation
Talk it out
Before getting between the sheets with your partner and exploring new levels of play, you’ll need to have an open and honest discussion about what you want to try. This needs to be a safe, judgement-free zone for you and your partner to discuss your feelings around anal play – you wouldn’t want a surprise finger up the bum without your consent and the same goes for your partner.
Keep things light and mention everything you want to try before you deep dive, and don’t be offended or annoyed if you don’t like their response.
Keep things light and mention everything you want to try before you deep dive
It’s a vulnerable area for anyone to explore or even talk about and what might turn you on may not work for them, so being respectful of their choices is always right – their butt, their choice. If you both openly agree to try new things with each other, make sure to reiterate that while it’s happening you need to keep the lines of communication open, that way everyone is having a good time.
Grab your supplies
Unlike the vagina, the anus does not secrete and lather itself up during arousal, so it’s best to have a lot of lube ready to go on the nightstand. While there are plenty of anal lubricants out there including warming, cooling, and silicone-based, it’s best to steer clear from numbing lubes in your first few attempts. Water-based anal lubricant is a good all-rounder, especially if you will be stimulating the p-spot with a suitable toy.
Water-based anal lubricant is a good all-rounder, especially if you will be stimulating the p-spot with a suitable toy.
A more experienced butt play connoisseur will know what they like and be more receptive with numbing lube, but for someone new the pain receptors in your body should be switched on to prevent any injuries or unpleasant sensations you may have.
Clean (both) your stations
Before you decide to take a trip to p-town or have your partner do it to you, it’s best to clean yourself up before any mishaps (yes, we’re talking poop). Both of you play a part in keeping each other safe and clean, whether you’re giving or receiving. For the giver, there’s a lot of bacteria in our butts and once they’ve been properly douched and cleaned up, you can still gather bacteria under your nails.
Your best option is to protect yourself from bacteria is by using a condom or latex glove if fingers are involved. For the receiver, you’ll need to take a minute before getting into bed to properly clean up – try an enema shower kit that will help or a douche with interchangeable tips.
Ramp up the foreplay
The best way to get your partner or yourself feeling relaxed and ready for anal play is to get the foreplay going and don’t cut any corners!
Anal play feels best when the person is fully relaxed. Some things that might help can be having a hot shower or bath, having a sensual oily massage, getting handsy in their erogenous zones, kissing and touching, or any kind of foreplay you want to engage in to set the mood. Dim the lights, put on some music, light up a candle and get ready for an orgasmic night.
Tips for manual and toy stimulation
Now that you’ve got the basics, you’re ready to begin a sensual night with your partner whether you’re giving or receiving. The great thing about anal play is that you can do as little or as much as you prefer, and it can change depending on your mood or capability. Sometimes the receiver will only feel like external stimulation while other times they might want to explore a little deeper and include toys. The beauty of it is that it’s totally your call!
Sometimes the receiver will only feel like external stimulation while other times they might want to explore a little deeper and include toys
Remember that if you’re on the receiving end of anal play you need to be vocal and make sure your partner knows when something feels good or not so good. Your enjoyment is their goal and they wouldn’t want you to feel uncomfortable in any way, so don’t be afraid to speak up when something needs to change. There are many ways to keep your stimulation going, so here are a few tips that will help set the night on fire:
Beginning your anal play by going directly to the p-spot can be a little harsh and counterproductive to all that foreplay you did to build up to this moment.
Start slowly by using the tips of your index and middle finger to rub or stroke the perineum (remember that landing strip of skin between the scrotum and anus we talked about?) and experiment with different strokes, sensations and pressures to find what works best. Your other hand can be used to stroke their penis or lightly squeeze their balls, or go for a bit of oral stimulation to help them become more relaxed.
Get into the groove
If the receiver is ready for more, apply your silicone-based lube and slowly insert a finger into the anus and move it upward toward the front of their body. Take your time to feel around and locate the prostate, using the ‘come hither’ finger motion to slowly stroke it and remember to ask if this feels good and if they want more or less pressure/speed.
Giving them oral will also take their pleasure up a notch
Remember how we talked about that milky substance earlier? Sometimes the prostate can leak a milk-like secretion which is totally normal, so don’t be alarmed if this happens. Giving them oral will also take their pleasure up a notch – either gently suck on their scrotum or lightly lick the tip of the penis for the ultimate moan! If you’ve tried fingers before and need more but aren’t ready for a prostate massager, use an anal training set before jumping into the deep end.
Pro Tip: silicone-based lube is thicker and longer-lasting than water-based, however it isn’t super compatible with all toy materials. If using toys, going for water-based anal lubricant is a safe bet.
Bring in the toys
When they just can’t get enough of the anal play and want more, it’s time to add a little pizzazz to your game. There are toys designed to help bring on major climaxes, including the Lelo Loki prostate massager that has 10 vibration settings for varied stimulation. Grab some water-based lube too because it’s always better when it’s wetter!
Toys can help bring orgasms after orgasms, providing the giver the support they need and the receiver the thrill of a lifetime. If you want something that you can control remotely with multiple modes and an adjustable fit, this We-Vibe’s Vector prostate massager is ideal.
The ~bottom~ line
While the g-spot and p-spot have their differences, the ultimate goal during consensual sexual activity is to reach climax in many amazing ways. While there is less talk about the p-spot, it should be something that can be discussed between lovers and remove the stigma of anal play. Remember to take it slow, talk to each other in an open manner, grab a lot of lube and maybe a sex toy for good measure, and enjoy the wild ride that will make the p-spot your new favourite destination.
(1) Chalmers, J 2016. ‘Health Check: does the ‘G-spot’ exist?’, The Conversation, viewed 27 January 2021, theconversation.com/health-check-does-the-g-spot-exist-56491#:~:text=The%20G%2Dspot%20is%20a,t%20coined%20until%20the%201980s.