Sex. It’s fun, it feels good, and you’re doing it with someone you like…at least, we hope you are. But if sex has gotten a little ho-hum, it could be time to upgrade your sex life.
Sex doesn’t come with a manual – no, not even porn – and while we’d usually advise you to “just do what feels good”, we know that sex can be awkward, boring, or simply unsatisfying. It may be with a new partner, and you’re still figuring out each other’s bodies, or maybe you’re in a long-term relationship, and things are getting a little…stale.
Fortunately, there are many things you can do to take your sex life to the next level. And upgrading your sex life doesn’t need to involve massive changes either. Even little changes can make a world of difference to both your and your partner’s experience.
So whether you’re an experienced sexpert, a beginner who wants more bang in the bedroom, or just someone looking for a few new tricks, you’ve come to the right place. Here are our top eight tips for upgrading your fun in bedroom. Or as the case may be, outside of it.
1. Improve Your Sexual Stamina
Sexual stamina refers to the amount of time you can spend having sex before you need to take a break. For many people with penises, this will finish once they, well, ‘finish’. On average, that’s 3 minutes. And after ejaculation, most people need to take some time before they’re ready to go again, and everyone’s refractory period is different – ranging from minutes to hours or even days.
Stamina can also be affected by other physical and mental factors. For example, you might be too physically tired to keep going, or could experience a mental block that prevents you from wanting to continue. Or just the desire to roll over and go to sleep.
If you’re looking to boost your sexual stamina, here are some tips:
- Get plenty of (non-sexual) exercise. Sex is a form of cardiovascular exercise, so you need to make sure you’re fit and ready to go before you jump into bed.
- Make sure you’re prioritising foreplay. One of the easiest ways to make your sessions last longer is to spend more time on foreplay. This means more kissing, touching, performing oral sex, playing with toys or other activities. Taking things a bit slower will make the whole amount of time spent together longer, and it can also make penetrative sex feel better because there was a bigger build-up to it. We also recommend post sex cuddles, play and kissing. While you can’t always fight nature, arousal is one of the ways to shorten your refractory period.
- Limit the Dutch Courage. There’s nothing wrong with a glass of wine or bubbly to help get you in the mood, but too much alcohol can hurt your sexual performance. The most common problems are erectile dysfunction (AKA whiskey dick), premature ejaculation and a lower sex drive. So if you want to last longer, consider limiting yourself to just a drink or two before sex.
- Try out some pelvic floor exercises! AKA Kegels, these exercises are designed to strengthen the pelvic floor muscles. This set of muscles sits between the tailbone and the pubic bone within your pelvis, supporting the bladder, bowel and uterus. Pelvic floor exercises will help improve the circulation of blood around your pelvic floor and genitals. This helps with arousal, which increases pleasure from penetrative sex, and can improve lubrication in people with vulvas, and orgasm control for people with penises. If you’d like to know more, check out our guide to pelvic floor exercises here.