• @ Contact Us
  • My Wishlist ({{wishListModel.wishList.productIds.length}} items)
  • My Account
  • (805) 419-9169
  • Online Toy Store for Fun Loving Adults
BEST PRICE GUARANTEE
Fast & Discreet Delivery
No hassle Exchange policy
Free Gift With order $75+
Member Rewards With purchase

Categories

Brands

Suggested Products

{{product.name}}
FREE SHIPPING
Our Price
ON SALE
({{product.ratingCount? product.ratingCount: 0}})
Show All Results ({{totalResults}} items)
{{suggestion}}
Just Sold Out
Free Gift Free Promo Out of Stock
Code:
Quantity:
Remove
Sub Total (excl. delivery):
Checkout

Categories

Brands

Suggested Products

{{product.name}}
FREE SHIPPING
Our Price
ON SALE
({{product.ratingCount? product.ratingCount: 0}})
Show All Results ({{totalResults}} items)
{{suggestion}}
Just Sold Out
Free Gift Free Promo Out of Stock
Code:
Quantity:
Remove
Sub Total (excl. delivery):
Checkout
  • Her Sex Toys
  • His Toys
  • Couples Toys
  • Bondage
  • Lingerie
  • Costumes
  • Footwear
  • Novelties
  • Essentials
  • New
  • Best Sellers
  • Sale

Categories

Brands

Suggested Products

{{product.name}}
FREE SHIPPING
Our Price
ON SALE
({{product.ratingCount? product.ratingCount: 0}})
Show All Results ({{totalResults}} items)
{{suggestion}}

Categories

Brands

Suggested Products

{{product.name}}
FREE SHIPPING
Our Price
ON SALE
({{product.ratingCount? product.ratingCount: 0}})
Show All Results ({{totalResults}} items)
{{suggestion}}
Her Sex Toys explore sub categories
His Toys explore sub categories
Couples Toys explore sub categories
Bondage explore sub categories
Lingerie explore sub categories
Costumes explore sub categories
Footwear explore sub categories
Essentials explore sub categories
Novelties explore sub categories
New
Best Sellers
On Sale

Site Information

  • About Us
  • Customer Feedback
  • Join Newsletter
  • Shopping Info
  • Sex Toy Guide
  • My Account
  • My Wishlist
  • Competitions
  • Free Gifts
  • Student Discount
  • Affiliates
  • Blog
  • Contact Us
Shop By Category
Shop By Brand
Shop By Category
Vibrators
Accessories
Anal
Female Pumps
Dongs, Dildos & Strapons
Kegel Exercisers
Bullets, Balls & Eggs
View all Her Sex Toys
Shop By Brand
We-Vibe
Adam and Eve
Satisfyer
Womanizer
Le Wand
Lelo
View all Her Sex Toys
Her Sex Toys
New
Best Sellers
On Sale
Gift Ideas
View all Her Sex Toys
Shop By Category
Accessories
Masturbators
Anal Stimulators
Remote Controlled
Cock Rings
Sleeves & Extensions
Sex Dolls
Urethral
Male Pumps
View all His Toys
Shop By Brand
Bathmate
Pipedream
B-Vibe
Fleshlight
Doc Johnson
Satisfyer
View all His Toys
His Toys
New
Best Sellers
On Sale
Gift Ideas
View all His Toys
Shop By Category
Vibrators
Kits, Novelties & Games
Couples Rings
Accessories
Anal
Swings & Slings
Dongs, Dildos, & Strapons
Sex Furniture
Fetish & Bondage
Sex Positions
Bullets, Balls, Eggs
View all Couples Toys
Shop By Brand
We-Vibe
Adam and Eve
Strap U
Satisfyer
Frisky
Lelo
View all Couples Toys
Couples Toys
New
Best Sellers
On Sale
Gift Ideas
View all Couples Toys
Shop By Category
Accessories
Blindfolds & Hoods
Couples
Cuffs, Restraints & Gags
Fetish Wear
Fifty Shades Of Grey Inspired
Nipple Stimulators
Swings & Slings
Whips, Paddles & Ticklers
View all Bondage
Shop By Brand
Adam and Eve
Strict
Frisky
Pipedream
Shots Toys
Sportsheets International
View all Bondage
Bondage
New
Best Sellers
On Sale
Gift Ideas
View all Bondage
Shop By Category
Babydolls & Chemises
Bridal
Bras & Matching Sets
Teddies & Bodysuits
Leather & Vinyl
Corsets & Bustiers
Tops & Matching Sets
Long Gowns & Robes
Sleep Wear
Camisoles & Sets
Hosiery & Bodystockings
Garter Sets
Panties & G Strings
Club & Dresses
Accessories
Men's Range
View all Lingerie
Shop By Brand
Mapale by Espiral
Dreamgirl
Seven Til Midnight
Obsessive
Coquette
iCollection
View all Lingerie
Lingerie
New
Best Sellers
On Sale
Gift Ideas
View all Lingerie
Shop By Category
Women's Costumes
Men's Costumes
Wigs
Accessories
View all Costumes
Shop By Brand
Dreamgirl
Mapale by Espiral
Seven Til Midnight
Coquette
View all Costumes
Costumes
New
Best Sellers
On Sale
Gift Ideas
View all Costumes
Shop By Category
Platforms
Peep Toe
Heels
Stiletto
Pumps
Sandals
Wedges
Boots
View all Footwear
Shop By Brand
Pleaser
Devious
Fabulicious by Pleaser
View all Footwear
Footwear
New
Best Sellers
On Sale
Gift Ideas
View all Footwear
Shop By Category
Arousal Gels
Body Paint
Candles
Cleaning & Grooming
Condoms
Couples
Lubes - Anal
Lubes - Cooling
Lubes - Flavoured
Lubes - Hybrid
Lubes - Organic
Lubes - Silicone Based
Lubes - Warming
Lubes - Water Based
Massage
Sexual Aids - Female
Sexual Aids - Male
Sex Toys Cleaners
Storage
Batteries
View all Essentials
Shop By Brand
System JO
Pjur
Adam and Eve
Wet Stuff
Swiss Navy
Astroglide
View all Essentials
Essentials
New
Best Sellers
On Sale
Gift Ideas
View all Essentials
Shop By Category
Couples
Couples Kits
Hens Night Products
Sex Dolls
Naughty Novelties
Sex Games
Bucks Night Products
Books
View all Novelties
Shop By Brand
Kheper Games
Creative Conceptions
Kama Sutra
Pipedream
California Exotic
US Novelties
View all Novelties
Novelties
New
Best Sellers
On Sale
Gift Ideas
View all Novelties
Return to Sharing Secrets
  • SENSUALITY
  • RELATIONSHIPS
  • HEALTH
  • WELLNESS
  • SEX TOY GUIDES

BDSM Basics: Your Guide To Safety And Consent

BY ASK AMY

Curious about BDSM?

If you’re new to BDSM, you might think stepping into this new world means throwing caution and consent to the wind and submitting yourself (or submitting others) to domination and pain. But that couldn’t be further from the truth.

Because BDSM often plays with power, consent and safety are important. You’ll find that experienced BDSM players know that consent is one of the community’s most important principles!

Thinking about trying it out? Here are a few things to keep in mind when playing in bondage and BDSM.

Couple with handcuffs
Thinking about trying BDSM?

Safe, Sane and Consensual

“Safe, Sane and Consensual” (SSC) – it’s a guiding mantra that helps put safety and consent front of mind when playing in BDSM.

“Risk Aware Consensual Kink (RACK), on the other hand, acknowledges that, yes, there are risks in BDSM play, but all participants must be okay with those risks.

In essence, it comes down to making sure that there is trust, respect and communication between all players. Making sure your play is safe and consensual is critical. And this means more than just having a safe word! Although that’s definitely part of it.

Consent and Boundaries

Power play and punishment can be fun and exciting (nothing like tying your lover up, or feeling the sting of a riding crop to turn up the heat in the bedroom), but always remember that consent is a foundation of BDSM (as it should be whenever you’re getting hot and heavy).

Whether you’re a sub, a dom or a switch, establish and understand you and your partner(s)’ boundaries before you begin. Discuss all scenes in detail before you start and have a safe word so you can pull the breaks immediately if someone is no longer enjoying themselves.

Communication, communication, communication!

We can’t stress this one enough. We all know that getting your lover to take you to new heights is all about telling them what you like, and what you don’t. But communication is also super important in BDSM. Make sure you’re communicating openly and honestly with your partner(s) before, during and after play. Share your boundaries and limits, your safe word, any concerns or feelings you may have, what you’d like to try and what you’re not ready for, and what aftercare you’ll both need. And always check in with your partner throughout to make sure they’re still having a good time.

Couple Communicating
Communication is super important...

Power Dynamics

Is your partner older or younger than you? More or less experienced sexually? Do they earn more or less? There are so many factors that can play into how your partner feels about sex and play.

Unbalanced power dynamics can make people feel pressure to perform. Just because you have a safe word, doesn’t mean your partner will feel safe to use it. It’s important to create an environment where everybody feels comfortable expressing themselves, and this starts with understanding and addressing any power imbalances.

Pleasure and Pain

Pain and pleasure can be inextricably linked. Pain can lead to a rush of endorphins that flood the body and make you feel great. But it’s important to remember that pain is an option, not a given!

While some enjoy pushing their own boundaries or the stimulation that can come with pain, and others get excited inflicting it, it may not be for everyone.

Establish your boundaries before you play, and experiment with the level of pain you can tolerate before upping the intensity. 

Safe Words

A safe word is a word you use when you want play to stop. Try to pick a word you wouldn’t normally use during sex, so there’s zero confusion.

While “stop” might seem like an obvious choice, if you’re participating in power play, it might not be the best one.

Always respect the safe word and be prepared to stop immediately when it’s used.

Bondage Toys
Always practice before you play...

Know Your Toys

Restraints, whips, paddles and ball gags are just some of the toys you can introduce into your playroom to up the excitement. But if you don’t use them properly, they can cause harm.

A whip in the hands of an eager but inexperienced lover can catch you in all the wrong places. Ouch. Make sure to read the instructions, educate yourself and practice before you play. Hey, any excuse for a little self-love, right?

Stay Sober

The “sane” part of the “safe, sane and consensual” mantra, is that it’s best to avoid drugs and alcohol when playing in BDSM.

Firstly, bondage and BDSM can be hard work! You’ll need some energy to try out those new positions and play out different scenes. Not to mention you’ll want your reaction times (and your aim) to be sharp, just in case something goes wrong. You’ll also want to make sure everyone can consent, and that means sober consent!

So maybe lay off the booze for a night – you’ll be able to feel more pleasure without its dulling effects anyway.

Aftercare

When the scene is over, it’s important to make sure everyone feels okay, physically, mentally and emotionally. This is called aftercare, and all players, whether you’re a sub or a dom, can benefit from it.

Endorphins spike during play. It’s why BDSM, and sex in general, can feel so damn good. But when those endorphins come crashing down, people can often feel what is called a “drop”. It varies from person to person, but can often result in feeling down.

Aftercare can help you and your partner(s) deal with the drop. During aftercare, take off your gear, get warm and comfortable, treat yourself and your partner with any soothing massage needed, share a snack and hydrate, and make sure to check in with your partner to make sure they’re feeling okay. For more aftercare ideas, read our guide on bondage aftercare here.

Remember, everyone’s needs will be different, so make sure to discuss aftercare before you begin to play!

Couple in bed
Everyone’s aftercare needs will be different...
Author: Ask Amy
Have a sex toy question? Amy is here to help! Working closely with Wild Secrets and industry experts, to explore everything toys and sexual wellness. Simply email your blog suggestions to AskAmy@wildsecrets.com to see them covered here. View all posts by Ask Amy
PREV
How To Prepare For Pegging
NEXT
Sex Toy FAQ
POPULAR POSTS
How to Achieve an Anal Orgasm
How to Achieve an Anal Orgasm
April 04, 2022
The Best Anal Sex Positions
The Best Anal Sex Positions
April 04, 2022
5 Tips for Introducing Sex Toys to Your Relationship
5 Tips for Introducing Sex Toys to Your Relationship
February 14, 2022
Anal Sex for Beginners
Anal Sex for Beginners
April 01, 2022
How To Prepare For Anal
How To Prepare For Anal
April 04, 2022
TRENDING TOPICS
Adult Toys Aftercare Air Tech Toys anal Anal Play Anal Stimulators Anal Toys Apps Arcwave Babydolls Bathmate BDSM Bedroom Costumes Bodysuits Bondage Bra Sets Bullet Vibrators Butt Plugs B-Vibe Candles Clitoral Vibrators Clitoris Condoms Corsets Costumes Couples Rings Couples Sex Toys Couples Toys Couples Vibrators COVID-19 Deluxe Vibrators Dildos Discreet Toys Essentials Extensions Fleshlight Foreplay Gifts G-Spot G-Spot Vibrators Her Sex Toys Her Toys His Sex Toys His Toys Ion Je Joue Kegel Balls Kegel Exercisers Le Wand Lelo Lingerie Lubricants Luxury Toys MalePumps Massage Massagers Masturbators Orgasm Panties Pegging Penis Pumps Pleasure Air Pro 2 Prostate Massagers P-Spot Rabbit Vibrators RACK Relationships Restraints Role Play Safe Sex Satisfyer Sensuality Sex Furniture Sex Games Sex Positions Sex Slings Sex Tips Sex Toy Guides Sex Toys Sextech Sleeves SSC Strap Ons Strokers Tantra Teddies Toy Cleaners Unisex Toys Vibrating Panties Vibrators Waterproof Toys Wellness Wet-Look Lingerie We-Vibe Wild Secrets Womanizer
Huge Shopping benefits
Huge Shopping benefits

Shop Fast, Safe & Discreet

Your privacy and security is important to us, therefore we offer the highest level of encryption when shopping with us. We don't store your card details, and we don't pass on your card details to third parties, and your orders are shipped discreetly in plain packaging.

Awards

Customer Service

  • About Us
  • Shopping Info
  • Contact
  • FAQ
  • Returns
  • Shipping
  • Privacy Policy
  • Blog
  • Terms and Conditions

Shopping Benefits

  • Earn Member Rewards
  • Free gift with orders over $75
  • All items displayed are in Stock
  • Discreet Billing & Shipping
  • Fast & Discreet Delivery
  • No Hassle Exchange Policy
Secure Shopping

Payment Options

...
...
...
Any questions about your order?
(805) 419-9169
(805) 419-9169
Toll Free - Sunday-Thursday 2 PM - 9 PM PST
Monday to Friday

International Customers
+1 (805) 419-9169
+1 (805) 419-9169
  • Contact Us
  • My WishList
  • My Account
  • Blog
  • Site Information
  • Privacy Policy
  • Shipping
  • Student Discount
  • Terms and Conditions
Secure Shopping
BEST PRICE GUARANTEE FAST & DISCREET DELIVERY NO HASSLE EXCHANGE POLICY FREE GIFT WITH ORDERS OVER $75 EARN MEMBER REWARDS EACH TIME YOU PURCHASE
  • View Shopping Cart
  • Affiliates
  • Join Newsletter
  • My Account
  • Shopping Info
  • Competitions
  • Contact
  • Sitemap
© 2022 All rights reserved | Powered and Operated by PHE International Pty Ltd

This website is to only be viewed and used by an adult audience. All models are 18 years of age or older.
If you are under 18 years old (21 years old in some states) you are to leave immediately. No exceptions.


18 U.S.C Section 2257 Compliance Notice