How to turn your fake O into a real one and why
As a certified Food, Lifestyle and Wellness Coach, I’ve been known to bang on about the benefits of ‘organic’. This time, something else I’m compelled to draw attention to is the other ‘O’ word we don’t give enough airtime to. It’s the elusive orgasm!
We are either having it, not having it, or faking it! And if you’re identifying with the last two, then as a wellness expert I’m concerned!
You see, since writing my seventh book #instalovers – digital dating, DM Disasters and Love Stories, I recognised how deprived of connection and real connection we really are. You should be counting your orgasms, not your calories and we are going to explore why. The health benefits are huge. Not that size matters, but this big O issue is crucial when it comes to overall wellness.
This big O issue is crucial when it comes to overall wellness
During our deprivation of social interaction because of COVID-19, I witnessed a lot of mental illness take place as a result. It’s a no-brainer really. We’re social creatures, and not being able to be in company with others will have a detrimental effect on wellbeing. It has been something not only you’ve witnessed, but you’re now experiencing.
Since the beginning of quarantine, the sex toy industry has started booming and that’s because we were forced to start playing at home and by ourselves, but this does have health benefits. Perhaps this could be perceived as one of the many silver linings?
We were forced to start playing at home and by ourselves, but this does have health benefits
You see, whilst some say that being in lockdown is actually being locked up, and some argue it could’ve been handled much better in most countries or states, the increase in buying adult toys for your own selfish pleasure has taught us so much:
- We all do it.
- It’s our birth right to feel pleasure.
- We need joy.
- We are adaptive and can find ways to thrive.
- It’s healthy to stimulate.
- We have removed stigmas.
- We are taking control over our own pleasure in a bid to receive an orgasm.
- We don’t need to rely on someone else to do this for us.
- We will now re enter our relationship with more confidence.
- We decreased stress.
Let’s talk about faking it
You see, since the beginning of time, there have been scenarios where women have faked the big O. For whatever reason, women have denied their own needs and now the tables are turning.
For whatever reason, women have denied their own needs and now the tables are turning
With products that are being produced having more variety in types of pleasuring, we can expect to see women exploring different types of orgasms now, internal, external or both.
Reasons that women may have faked it before are wise and varied:
- An old belief system that the man must be pleasured only.
- Insecurity about her own body.
- Inability to trust the sexual partner and left go.
- Misunderstanding of our own bodies and how they work.
- Health challenges that interfere with the process.
- A selfish sexual partner or one with health challenges.
- Lack of time or desire.
- Not active sexually.
- Never had an orgasm.
- Never actually faked it.
It’s time to make your big O a priority
Having multiple orgasms can be a huge stress release. When we are stressed we release an excess amount of stress hormones. These are called adrenaline and cortisol. They’re present because we have emotional stress, financial stress or even physical stress and because we are so sedentary, this also causes stress hormones to be released.
When we are in a love state and releasing the hormone associated with it, we are more balanced. Having sex and releasing stews with an orgasm is extremely healthy. Especially during a pandemic, it’s the one thing you can do to feel more well with your intimate partner. Make sure your goal is to please you and remember that you are in control over this outcome.
Make sure your goal is to please you and remember that you are in control over this outcome
You don’t need to rely on the other person to always make that happen for you. In fact assisting them, by taking control is a real turn on in itself!
Tips to turn fake into real orgasms!
- The top tip is to use a vibrator! There are so many different types now that sex will never be boring ever again! Some don’t even look obvious and can be worn or held by you or your partner.
- Alter your mindset about using help. It’s completely natural, healthy, normal and effective.
- Create major foreplay! Often there’ll be so much build up, that by the time it comes to the physical act, you’re ready to explode! Have fun with some sex games and couple’s kits or perform a sensual massage.
- Use music to help you relax or get in the mood. You’ll often find yourself synchronised to the rhythm.
- Choose a partner you feel super comfortable with. Create conversation in general everyday life, about what you like and how you like to be pleasured. This way you can be more prepared when it comes to show time!
- Be protected and prepared. I always say that wearing a condom should be a normal thing that helps you have a good time because you’re not thinking or worrying about STDs or a potential pregnancy!
- Make sure your partner knows where your clitoris is. Some actually don’t know and every body’s body is different so that’s ok. Use your hand to guide theirs and show them. You might even like to try clitoral vibrators for increased stimulation.
- Getting to know your own body before you share your sacred space with someone is key. You’re also learning your erogenous zones and will be able to perform better as a result. Think of this as research before you deliver an assignment, or rehearsals before an audition.
- Change the environment to create excitement. If you’re bored of the same position, same place, same partner and same time and place: do something about it. We need to be dynamic in life. Change is good. Although I don’t recommend changing your partner haha unless they’re ok with that too! Communication is everything.
- Get well! If you’re on a plethora of alcohol, intoxicants or medication, it’ll affect your sexual performance. If you have spinal issues and nerve system interference then that’ll have an effect on your performance too because the same nerves that go to the lower spine also go to the sexual organs and reproductive system. I’d like to suggest you get a referral to a good chiropractor. It may help with your partner’s premature ejaculation. It may also help your overall sex drive.
I’m summary, do not fake the big O. You’re going to feel very unsatisfied and usually stay wound up which will translate into aggression and disappointment in other areas of your life. You could find yourself getting upset at the smallest of things and that’s because you’re not releasing and finding real relief and pleasure. I’ve always said that there’s not much an orgasm can’t fix.
Do not fake the big O. You’re going to feel very unsatisfied and usually stay wound up
You’ll go from yelling at your partner for leaving their clothes on the bathroom floor and beard shavings in the sink, to cleaning up for them and singing whilst you’re doing it!
For any health questions and tips, please feel free to read my health books!
Disclaimer: this is not advice to treat any health issue. It’s intended to entertain, inform and inspire you to be more well. Any concerns about your real health challenges and see your health practitioner immediately.